Not looking good......

Right now my life is a blank stare. Looking in one direction but going no where in particular. It is so unfortunate when people say "You let the devil use you" It is heart breaking when you hear it from God. That's exactly what happened. I have more question then accusations from the whole scenario. Number one question.... Why am I the one being "used" by the devil? Am I so spiritually mal nourished that I can't see these things coming. I so weak right now cause I think I am weak, I really have this notion in my mind that if I had been a "Seasoned saint" this type of siuation could have easily been avoided. My next question is do I drop everything I am doing because of this mishap? I feel that I don't deserve the opportunity to serve right now. I feel like I need a break. Mostly to mend my heart but also because things should not snap so fast and its making me aware that something is going on. The the thought of the conclusion tears me up inside. The whole thing is horrible. But I am constantly being reminded that this isn't the first nor the last time my feelings will be hurt. So I bundle that with past pain that rears it's ugly head in comparison to new and the fact that I am tired of being blind sided by these woes. This leads to my initial question. What is it that needs to change? I know their is not such things as being perfect for all fall short but it's another thing to know that the current state is not my best. If it were I could accept it but something in my gut is saying I am not suppose be going through this.......Pray for me.