Almost forgotten

There are so many things that I can talk about right now but I want to focus on one. Someone I know is having a difficult time with a break up. She began to describe a situation that I was all to familiar with. I couldn't answer her questions because I am still in the dark in regards to my situation. A man claims he loves a woman. Asks her to marry him. No pressure on my end what so ever. I did agree. Wonderful blissful years together. Finished each other sentences,had the same illnesses at the exact same time. Things that when I think about them I smile. Because things were awesome. I was learning to love for real. I was deeply in love for real. I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I was loved so much. I experience Harold's Chicken. Beggars Pizza. I was a friggin Queen. Well the empire came tumbling down. The only thing I got was I loved you. I love you. I wish I hadn't done this to you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am so sorry.You are so great. You make my clothes smell great. You get my shirts so white . You cook my favorite meals. Annnd the was actual sobbing. A normal person would expect a rekindle at this point. But know I am left with a fill in the blank kind of feeling. The door was wide open. You know m. You know us. You know the kind of woman I am. So what's the deal, Why don't you make your move? This is the situation with the young woman currently going through break up. Hers is not so similar, no engagement, and not so many years but the love was real for two of them. The guy basically tells her the same thing my old guy told me. And all I could say to her was honey I can't help you I DON'T KNOW FOR MYSELF.Why is this man telling me all of this but he is not saying what he should. He is not saying let's get back together. She asked me how long it took me to get over it. I said a year but really thing have just come full circle this year. Yep. 2-3 years to get over the so called love of my life. It's not that I didn't want to move one. I couldn't my mind focused on all the good. I mean there were some really good times. But that breakup was HORRIBLE. And it is hard for a person to go from great to bad and there be no in between. I could see if there were huge fights and you can feel it coming. But there weren't and I was completely knocked off my square.

Right now, like as I am writing this, I can say that I feel good. I just did some laundry. I am about to wrap my hair and take a shower. My minds is just not going to sadness. I am happy to report that the Lord did a great job with my heart. I give credit where it is due. No man came along to fill that void. No man came along to distract. It was no one but God. I can only pray that this young lady handles the situation better than I did. It is so hard when you feel sucker punched because that is what happened in both are cases. I may not ever know the deal. Neither will she. I want to. Only two people really know. The man and God. By the time I make it to heaven I hope that I'm so side tracked by all the Glory that I won't need to know what really happened. You all know you wish God could answer the why not and what ifs. Peace. Be prayerful.

IN RESPONSE TO SOME NONSENSE

Unless you have the world's greatest stroke of 'luck' , it is best to get a collegiate degree. I did not finish high school on time and I did not go straight to college like I wanted. I lived my life trying to survive. I want to live my life succeeding. I know that there is something better for me to do with my days on this earth and I want to live life to fullest. I have always had a yearning for education even as a child. I would cry when I had to miss school for doctor's appointments. I was an honor roll student and never had a 'C' until high school and even that made me cry and I was afraid to go home with that 'C'. Somehow I lost my way. But I am finding my way back. I just feel elated when I see myself doing something great. i don't care what others think because they cannot walk in my shoes. They do not know my life nor my story. Education is important to me and I stress that to all the young people I know. Do not fall for the hype that people with degrees are working at McDonalds. If they are they chose to. That may have been their only choice. But guess what, those people weren't working there before these "hard times" and you can bet your last buck that once things "bounce" back they will say arrivederci those french fries.

One of my favor songs is "Get up" by MaryMary. I first heard it on my mother's ring tone. I bought their CD and listened to the full version. I love that song. I really like the beat because it just makes you want to move. The lyrics are what inspire me :

Layin' Low
PRESS'N pause
Sleeping long
Slow motion
Gonna do
Shoulda, coulda, woulda done
Excuses

What are you afraid of?
Don't you know what you're made of?
One of God's greatest creations
Take this invitation now

Get Up
'Cause you can't stop
Get Up
Got a lot to do
24 hours
almost gone
Get Up
Don't sit there
Get Up
If you wanna get there
Clocks don't stop and
Time won't wait

The part in bold is my favorite. Why? Because time won't wait. It just won't. We have to make the best of our time and manage it well.

Half empty or half full?

Sorry I have not posted in a while. I don't want to be random but I want to be effective and original. I have been doing pretty good lately. I am still building my faith. I have had some amazing experiences and I understand when they say Eyes have not seen and ear have not heard. I pray that you experience the same. What's funny is it was just for me. I actually heard the Lord speak to me. Awesome I know. The thing is after it happened I wanted more. Why not? I don't know but if there is a legitmate reason that 's cool by me. For now this DIVA is like kinda hooked (yes I said like kinda I am in a like kinda mood) and waiting for it to happen again. I'm sure that it will happen when I least expect it so now I'm trying to convince myself to chill out. I didn't understand what people meant before but now I do. There is not a feeling that can explain how I felt when I heard it. It was authoritive, and clear as day. As I mentioned before there were things heard and some things seen. I cannot go into to details because I can't quite articulate that experience. Maybe one day I will revisit it.

On another note my Bishop preached the other day. It was so serious. I mean he really went in. I asked for a word and I recieved it instantaneously. To make the situation better I just felt like I was on a whole other level. I literally felt my domnion in God increase. I am a believer. I can do all things through Christ. I am a woman of God that commands respect. I am just AM. I know who I belong to. I know my value. I know that I am grateful that God delivered me from that hot mess I called a life. And to revisit a previous post this IS the Year of Expansion. I thought well I need my finances taken care of. I need a car, a house in my desired location. I knew I need a better relationship with God. Sadly that was the last thing on my list. Now it is a priorty. Like the man with, leporsy his problem was not his illness his problem was sin. My problem was not jsut sin my problem was doubt, rejection, sadness and depression. I felt like I had given and given, been stomped on, forgotten, used and rung out to dry. I felt like the walls were closing in and that wsa life as I knew it. But God knows his child. Called me from out of mess. Taught me a few lessons, some that I feel I could do without but My name is ***** not Alpha nor Omega. I learned and I took it in. I am still learning. I AM BEING DELIVERED as I type this. I could of caught a case. I could of lost my life. I could have risked my life and been dead and gone. The love that I was searching for was right there all along. The thing is I was seeking it from the wrong things and the wrong people. Now I know why I have such a passion for love. I can actually relate the feelings that I have for other people to the Love that God has for me. I wanted so badly for someone to love me the way I loved them. No judgement and unconditional. These people failed me. God never failed me. I feel that He has scooped me up and placed me where I need to be. Undoubtly It can be scary but I CALL ON THE NAME OF JESUS when in need of understanding and patience.


So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6: 31-33