The Great Fall

So here I was talking about emotions walls (see previous post). Only to find out that I have been fooling myself all along. (PAUSE) When you think you know something, you know nothing at all. (PLAY) I distinctly remember my pastor saying :I see two brick walls. and I see those walls falling like a curtain". Well my previous onset of emotional feelings that I tried wholeheartedly to not take over me came in a mighty flood. So much that I was praising God one moment and the next I was in the most vulnerable state that I think I've ever been in my adult life. I stood strong in praise and in the next minute I was on the floor. I literally became weak in the needs as if my body could not stand to hold itself up anymore. I found myself surrendering to God's will. I found myself purging out all the feelings I had and simply put I was crying like a baby. Emotional walls do not solve problems but suppress and never address the issue head on. Not that it was any of my own doing but I thank God for the experience. I thank him because it increased my faith and afterward I felt very light and weak and I realized how much it took a toll on me. In the last two days I have had some very good sleep. I've had uninterrupted sleep that I haven't felt in a long time. I say all of this because I cannot plea enough that God is good. Whatever you desire of him He has just for you. I declared that I would not leave the way I came and I didn't. That was round one. Stay tuned for round 2. Stay Blessed.

Breathing

Man am I an emotional wreck. First I hope that it is just my hormones. Secondly if it is I'm glad, means everything is working properly. Third I hope I am not trying to avoid the situation and blame the feeling I can not shake on hormones. One moment I'm like yes Lord. You are in control- you got this and the next I am like Lord what is the meaning, the purpose if any behind all of this. I am not double minded but I certainly a little unstable right now. I have no desire to get invloved in worldly things. If anything this whole situation puts my role in the kingdom into perspective. It is that dedication on the inside of me that keeps me grounded and is helping me to not lose control. Get it together girl. Emotional walls. Emotional walls. At least I can manage a sense of humor. Well gotta go back to work. TTYL. Stay Blessed.

Had some time to think

I thought about deleting my previous post. I decided to leave it and exactly the way it is. Writing is an outlet. As I am writing this I hear clearly the past is the past. I have needs and desires and dreams just as the next person and those needs will be met. As I driving to work today, I periodically paused to read the bible. My need to reach for the word was the aftermath of the flood of emotions I experienced the previous evening. I mean I was in the zone. I needed to exercise my faith because my day would be unproductive and I would be in a cloud for most of it if I didn't. I thought about where I wanted to go. Would a particular path lead me there. I thought about how anxious I felt. I said to myself that God knows. He knows what's going to happen. He knows the direction I am going. I just don't. At least not with certainty. What i know with certainty is the word of God is the truth. It says "if you abide in me and my word abides in you can ask what you please and it will be done unto you"(John 15:7) With that being said I have made known the desires of my heart. God will fulfill these needs and desires according to his will and according to riches and glory. I think I will rest well tonight knowing that he is Able. not only that but able to do exceeding abundantly...... And as I finish this writing I pray for comfort and wise decisions in the name of Jesus Christ. Good night.

Shock and awww

I recently had some ecounters that truly have me stumped. I know exactly what I don't want but I cannot honestly say I am 100% sure of what I do want. Partly due to my trust that God has the will and not me. So I am trying to be careful and not overstep my boundaries. I feel like I am walking around in the dark trying to find the light. I had an unexpected call this morning that had my co workers thinking something was wrong with me. I had a very long conversation that lasted maybe 3 hours. It was refreshing. After finishing the call my mind begin to do its thing. It begin to race. I felt so uneasy, nervous and at the same time I did not know what I felt. With so many thoughts running through my mind I heard a voice say "trust in the lord with all your heart and lead not unto your own understanding" Then I said how Lord. How? After all this time I thought I would never ever hear from this person again. Although this person lives the next town over I still made it up in my mind that encounters where out of the question and that was my saving grace. I was able to release my feelings, so I thought. Let me spit it out. I do not know whos is working and this bothers me. Is the lord working on my behalf or is the enemy trying to distract me. Do i need to be patient? Only time will tell.

In case you missed it

And now for intermission......I like the word intermission....anyway. Now Since I've been gone for quite some time, need to drop some knowledge. You know how people say the same thing over and over again. And at some point you begin to think it's true. Well I hope you have that experience after the following message. God is Good. Ain't nobody like Him. Believe me when I say believe Him. He will keep you in perfect peace. Never in my life have I felt so content and so confident. Usually I am very dissappointed cause folks just be lying but now I found God. And I'm glad He was there to be found (He was there all the time). Thank you Jesus. I dare you to try him. I love Jesus! I'm am so happy. Things look brighter than ever. I feel a joy that I am carefully protecting. The enemy tried to intervene but I know to stop him in his tracks. So many thoughts but I had to come and chat for a second I needed to get that off my chest. That is all. Back to our regularly scheduled program.