?Sabes QUE? You know what?

I am such a lame. I listen to great music prefer a beach over Vegas ( Really what's all the hype about Vegas?) I Love watching Medium, Law and Order, Mercy Grey's and Private Practice. I purposely break the rules at work and take a 330p lunch break to watch Jeopardy. I race home to watch Wheel of Fortune and before it's all said and done I watch rerun after rerun of shows I didn't know existed until they were in syndication. Like George Lopez and King of Queens.

I was reading what people have been up to on facebook and I was completely caught off guard by the comments made by our Pastor's wife. She is quite hilarious, yet real. I can see how they make a very good couple there is definitely balance. ANYHOW I WAS SUPPOSE TO GO TO A POETRY SESSION, DIDN'T HAPPEN. For some reason I am not mad about it. I have JOY. Have you ever had been totally fascinated by someone. So much that you made it a point to put them out your thoughts during the day , yet they enter your dreams. Now I'm paranoid because I don't want him to sense that I feel that way. I have to keep my feelings at bay. What's jacked up is that I am totally prepared to go there and so serious. But it is so unlikely. SOOOOOOOO, I will try not to come off as that weirdo that stares at people, that would be a give away. (Is it bad that I know I can't think about him but feel really good after dreaming that we are this power couple?) BTW This man does not belong to anyone.

Still tryna get back........

Just as I speak of the future, the past tries to come back and interrupt the flow. The thing is I'm better equipped now. I know going back is not an option and the past doesn't have nothin on the future. Hah take that! Come with your curve balls baby cause I'm ready. Like the song says I am taking back everything the devil stole from me. Including good sense. I am a freakin soldier. I don't give up and I will not back down!

For my birthday gift to myself I went to the spa and got a massage. It was the most relaxing thing. I was so relaxed afterward. I didn't want to move one bit of my body. I wish I could live there. On my way home I made a stop and caught a glimpse of the news. I had seen the incident earlier in the day when I was doing laundry but the station was spanish and all I saw was crumbled buildings. There was another major earthquake and this time in Chile. It seems to be happening in places that no one would have on their minds. I ask that we pray and we get together what we can to send support to them as well. If anything we must learn that we are all God's children and as a amily we must help each other. Pray for me. (Not on me...you know who you are.) Later.

Still waiting for love to come......

And turn it all around. Sade's new album is really good. I drove to work grooving to it and the new Maxwell. I was thinking about the lyrics and I thought about how I made it through some toughs times. Despite how I felt( The whole I'm never falling in love again spiel) Still, I was picked up and dusted off. Despite the pure evil (cause that's what it was ) I still feel the need to get back in there. What's interesting, is one would think a person who tries the same thing over and over would be mad right? Well the exception to the rule would be love. The point is I still got it. God made me resilient and capable of making it through even when I didn't see pass the issue. (This applies to more than love you know). As of now I'm ready. New chapters. I am excited about the future. I AM OFFICIALLY BACK IN THE RACE. (A little self affirmation if you will.) After all I am always Victoriously Anointed.

I've got sunshine......

I woke up this morning with one thing on my mind. Spending the day with the Lord. I am still contemplating what to where to church but this is normal. I woke up feeling great and grateful. You see God could have not seen it fit for me to wake up this morning. I am glad to be in his favor. I didn't wake up with a hangover, with some strange man or any other crazy thing. I woke up with God on my mind. I'm trying to prepare for this morning's Sunday School and service. To recap the last few days I will simply return to Friday. Friday I was tired from the night before and working almost ten hours at work. You know the enemy tried to tell me to go home and go to sleep. I went to church instead. I was struggling with the situation at work with my ex friend. I am past her but what was still bothering me was the consequences of her lies. I felt that she was too crazy and my try to pull something and then I began to feel kind of angry that everyone seemed to believe her. So in my mind I was trying to figure out how to prove that I was right and she was wrong. I like being right all the time. It;s not that I need their approval but just want them to know that she is wrong. So anyway I continued to dwell on the consequences that people would suddenly be out for me that i could not rust those people and that she would still somehow ho try to take the situation into violence. Which to tell the truth would be something I'm against but if she brought I would go there. Well our speaker for the evening at church was late and evangelist came to address us. She went to the 27th Psalm. Mind you I could recite this at the drop of a dime. I learned it back in the second grade and it had been with me since. But it's funny how I t didn't come to me in this situation. I was thinking of a scripture that would apply. I thought of "Don't touch my anointed..." Still my spirit was not satisfied. As she began I thought to myself "Hmm 27TH Psalm why does that ring a bell?" As she began "The Lord is the strength of my life....." It all came back to me and the tiredness I was feeling didn't matter. I HAD FINALLY GOT IT. The Lord is my strength. I NEED NOT FEAR ANYTHING LET ALONE ANYONE. For my enemies shall fall. Which took it a step further all In have to do is be still. God will sure handle the situation if anything else is needed to be done. What an awesome God. I'm telling you if you don't know you better ask somebody. I didn't formerly ask for a resolution but God knows my heart and he spoke to me and put my mind at rest. Hallelujah.

I've got a dollar.......

Just returned from the ER for a stubbed toe. As if my day wasn't going bad already I am now exhausted and cranky. If somebody looks at me wrong there is gonna be a problem. I came home with only one thing on my mind. Relaxing. I just wanted to watch Grey's Anatomy and chill. While walking down the hall I snagged my toe on a nail. Can someone explain to me why there are nails in hard wood floors? I had to drive myself to the ER. I'm not complaining about that. It was better than taking the bus and paying for a cab back. I'm mad that I had to pay a $100 co pay out of fear of catching an infection. So I sat for three hours for 20 mins worth of treatment. Before my named was called a little three year old took a dollar out of his mom's purse and promptly began singing" I got a dollar. I got a dollar. I got a dollar, hey hey hey hey" Indeed this was the highlight of my day/night. I received treatment and returned home angry that I missed an important deadline over my big toe. Later.

A conversation worth having.....

I learned new thing over the last few days. There is a difference between lonely and alone. Afterall do we not have the Holy Spirit. I had a so so day. I diodn't work but I put in a workout. I went to the gym and was begging God to help me trough the last ten minutes on the treadmill. It wasn't very eventful which was find with me. I was just gratefull to hav eyet another day to get it right. Before starting the day we need to take time to have an importanct conversation. Said conversation: "What are we doing today self?" Response, "The same thing we do everyday.....try to live Holy"

When think of the goodJness of Jesus.....

If there is one person I couldn't live without it would be Jesus. Think about it, when you're not good to yourself he reminds you that he is still there and will pick you up. When you are disobedient he loves you. When you do wrong, know it's wrong , God will still pick you up. If I had a millions dollars it wouldn't be the same without Jesus in my life. As my fellow church member said, "Even in madness, he kept me." Yes, sometimes we do things and we are out of our minds and don't know that God is a keeper. I appreciate Him and who he is in my life. I don't know about this Bounty but God is the "quicker picker upper" Thank you Jesus.

Valentine's Day

Everyone around me is excited about Valentine's Day. The most energy I will be spendng on it is to buy cards for my son to give to his class. I don't want to even leave the house. Just like on all the other holidays I will have to suck it up. Not that I'm about recieving gifts or giving a gift on this particular day, it's just that there isn't a significant person in my life. Someone to actually breakdown and buy a gift for this commecrical holiday. I am not hating just a little lonely. I guess after church I will spend my time running errands. Be patient my dear.

I have a car!!!!!! Now I need a laptop because I can post frequently and as things come mind. Any way.....I have car. I am so happy. I feel so grateful. I fI had received this car sooner I probably wouldn't appreciate it as much. I know that this is only the beginning. I feel as if I need to increase my faith more. I don't want to get to the point where I feel like I have gotten my needs and suddenly my faith isn't as strong. On to to the next plateau. But one thing that has changed, I honestly feel that God is the Almighty. I feel that He can do it all. Previously I was only affirming this with myself. More like meditating. Well the past week has been a busy one. My level of intelligence is slipping. I need a book ASAP. Something that will stimulate my mind. Something that will interest me and teach me something. This is my own fought. I need to increase my studies. This is a dilemma that deserves concentration. Next, a young woman that I called a friend returned to work falsely accusing me of stealing from her. What bothers me is that she doesn't see how wrong she is for lying on me and trying to make me look bad. Maybe she does because I sent her a very polite email requesting that she stops spreading these false rumors and to examine herself. She really got upset and later tried to jeopardize my job. I then went forward to human resources about all the things she had done. I feel as if things should have never escalated to where it had. After all I was the one who borrowed her $500 so that her and her children would not be homeless. But that doesn't bother me. What really gets me is that she is lost and her life could be so much better if she turned it over to Christ. What's interesting is , my pastor just touched on the subject in Bible Study the previous evening. He spoke about so called friends. Now I know this was God talking to me. Just a few hours earlier I was pondering how to speak with her and try to somehow fix our relationship. However less than 24 hours later God told me not to go tht route and what's done is done. I am through with her and I can only forgive her and move on. Speaking of forgiveness my son's father has completely lost hs mind. It has gotten ot the point where I don;t bother engaging in arguments with him. He is who he is and cannot be changed. I don't know if I respect him anymore. Some of the things he does is wuite unnecessary. He has the kind of spirit that seems to want to do right but ends up doing wrong.

since I went there....

The pastors of my church are awesome. I know when I come there I will get the Word someway somehow. Every time I think it doesn't apply to me it does. For that reason and others I have found a place were I can trust that I am truly being fed the Word. I have a point trust me. Anyhow, this one particular service, before I prayed, I wrote down what I was seeking from God. I had the scrambled brain feeling and wanted peace of mind. Along with that I began to feel lost. I couldn't easily decide to go left or right. Do this or do that? I wrote in my book, Peace of mind and Direction. I prayed for it. Soon after praise and worship the pastor came forth with the word. When he was done I felt like I was on top of the world. I received what I needed and more. I want to turn to someone and say I wrote this at the beginning of service. Did he not just preach this? I couldn't believe it. I though all along that I was at that point were my walk in faith was as good as it was going to get. I was so wrong. I received a fresh anointing. Here I was actually believing that this was it. I realized I could go higher. I realized that just as I dream/ meditate (not fantasize) on the holy matrimony it will happen, because that is what I want. I realize as I meditate on teaching a class full of spunky eager little children ,it will happen. I also realize that if I can meditate on a house and car(Please Lord) that I only need to ask. In the meantime. I will love myself, appreciate my CO-OP, love my child and teach him to the best of my ability and I will keep up my studies. If Bob can believe I know I can too. The point is, if I can write on a piece of paper my need, and it was answered in less than 30 minutes, God will surely answer my other requests. Instead of going to God in tears, I need to go to Him with a Thank You for everything he hasn't done because I am being prepared for what he will do.. Keeping my head up. I appreciate my pastor being right with God, he is a great vessel. I absolutely love that I feel like God is talking to me though him. Thanks Pastor Chris. No more "stinkin thinkin".

Penny with a hole in it?

I spent yesterday working the election polls. It is sad that we have lost our interest in politics. I wonder if they wantit that way or if they have truly screwed themselves? Out of everyone in the precinct I worked, only 32 people voted. Well at least Stroger is gone. Anyway I spent over 12 hours with people from all walks of life. I spoke when spoken to and mainly listened. I felt like I was twelve again. (Children are to speak only after being spoken to.) Well I learned, people talk about Jesus alot. I learned that I have a long way to go when it comes to wisdom. I also learned that I should take my time on a lot of things. So anyway, fter that long drawn out day I went to work this morning exhausted. I bought a $3.00 latte for 99cents. Yeah me! I was wired for the first few hours. After dealing with some miserable people I began to become miserable myself. I wanted to cry thinking about progress not being made. I want to know why the opposition is so strong. It's to the point where I want to give up. Last week my pastor said to just pull thorugh and to quit the "stinkin thinkin". Wouldn't it be nice to call him up just for a few words of encouragemnt.

Welcome

This evening is my official release from a day that was insanely crazy and just made me feel frustrated. What will I do to turn it around? Absolutely nothing. I am not going to think of anything else. That is the reason I feel the way I do. There was too much brain processing for one day. It needs a rest and so those the rest of me: ) Time to be still. No more finance wondering, bill pondering and abosuluetly no more pretending to be who I am not. Today I was not a happy person and that means I need to step up my game. 02/01/2010 wasn't a total wash, alas I am still alive! Brand new mercy! 27 days til' that quarter century mark. I don;t expect others to remember or celebrate. But If I make there the celebration will be between me and the Lord. Now I don't know what the Lord has in store, hopefully something big (Hint: Brand New Mercy). As for me and myself we will be chilling, hopefully a weekend full of self love, brand new knowledge and maybe Jamaica.....one more time. The one that demands and the one that answers.