Manifestation

This indeed is the season of manifestation.Glory to God for everything he has prepped, cooked and getting ready to pop in the oven! My mind is so transformed. I been through ups and down but I am so glad to be on the up and up right now. Go ahead smell it, taste it....that feeling I have is God's hand on me! Shouts out to my management and security firm Goodness and Mercy for keeping things in check!

But seriouly a lot of growth has taken place. I firmly believe that it is the power of prayer that has gotten me through and brought me this far. God has a plan. It's spring cleaning time. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2. Stay blesses

I know I know. Been so shamefully neglectful. What can I say. Just had a birthday and my little brother asked me how does it feel to be my age? Well since he is ten years younger than me I gave him the real deal. I am happy to see yet another year. New years come with new possibilities but at the same time I have to look at where i have been to see where I am going. I told him point blank. I don't feel like I am where I should be for myself at my age. After making that satement I felt like I had lost my breath and the funk set in. I needed that though. It helps me focus. I do nto want life to just past me by. On the side of spiritual progession God ahs truly shown himself. The moment I thought I was going to panic, worry and settle for less I ended up with a blessing that I literally do not have room enough to recieve. Awesome. In about a month's time frame my mind had been forcused on Matthew 6:25. I take it one day at a time with full faith my God will come through. TIL NEXT TIME. STAY BLESSED

Snowsflakes

Merry Christmas to everyone. I will not take a pause but before I get have to say it. Remember Christmas is more than just gifts and stressing over making other happy. It is allabout our saviour. He did just for us. For God so loved the world .....and you know the rest. Well if you don;t He gave His only begotten son and who shall ever call on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. Focus on that. Hopefully you will manage as I try to keep your head up. Focus on what's important and move forward into another year and another season.

Do not pass go! Do not collect $200

A monopoly. Plain and simple. Living a life of monopoly is just not right. That is just how I feel. There are too many circles. And just like the game you may make it one round but once you pass go your goal is to get back there again without incident. Whatever obstacle, challenge, or test in life the goal is to pass it. Achieving such feats is great joy until you realize what my pastor sometime says " After this there is gonna be something and after something, there is gonna be something else." So in other words it is a never ending cycle. Is it safe to say that someone has to lose? I mean in the game there has to be a loser except for those rare occassions when everyone has played the game so well that it becomes pointless and nearly impossible to find a loser.

I may have mentioned this before but I am just reflecting and I do this often but mostyl without much action. So I discovered that I need to be a little more proactive. Say no whenever possible and required. That ahs been a big issue of mine. Not a people pleaser just need to learn how to put me first. Next would be need to cut loose ties . And I mean loose so loose that they cause more confusion than good and ultimately requires to much work and I don't have time for that.

Let me explain. Anyone in your life who is not giving you 100% has to go. I do not care what they talk about or how they smooth you over just cut it.

Because I am starting to feel a little down. I will need to continue this thought at a later time

Who am I?

The question is very simple and the answer so complex. Sometimes the question is answered with more questions? What do I do? What am I doing? Why am I doing this? How can I change it? Hmmmmm drink for thought. I cannot answer that question clearly. Recently I have heard two sermons on identity crisis. After the first I was reeled back into my God ordained place. I was going strong. Doing everything I was suppose to do. I mean no point in straying because afterwhile it will be found out that I am not who people think I am nor do I fit the prototype of who I was posing as. Immediately, no matter what I do, eventually I would be found as an imposter. I simply do not belong in the world of sin. But the real question is what do you do when you find the place you know you belong but still feel like an outsider? The thought goes beyond a personal issue it is blatant truth. Feeling like an outside as a believer in a believer's world is nothing to take likely. This I have learned. One week,maybe over a week I was on fire. I mean on fire,fire. So much so that when what came next arrived I was so shocked. I mean it's something when you shock yourself. You learn what you are truly capable of. But I will be honest. To live in sin when you know that it is not your cup of tea....period is downright frightening. As I am in the middle of this, like I have no control, I prayed, I cried I prayed again, I shouted just to see if I still had it. And I do so what is this? Two beasts one body? You here it all the time. Saved on Sunday. Sinner Monday-Saturday. I used to hate it when people say that. Not that it was directed at me. But I can fully understand how something as such comes about. But people in that position don't need scolding they need guidance. Help. A way out. I know Jesus is the way. But faith without works is dead. The desire to get out and the desire to stay in are both overpowered by the desire to do both. So ask this question. How in world does someone know they want to do right but can't quite come full circle? Paul said it best when I do right evil is always present. This isn't over. But my lunch break is. I will continue this thought later. Stay blessed.

Just a reminder

This is bad. Especially since I have been thinking that my heart is healed and I have no damage or baggage, I was free! Right?.......Wrong.

So I get a knot in my stomach and say to myself Lord Please please help me get rid of this. I liken it to residue. When I was a little girl my grandmother would make us scrub the batntub with Ajsx. I hated that stuff. I would scrub my heart out bent over in that tub for thirty minutes. Rinse it. Run the shower on it and proclaim it clean. Grandma would come in bend over swipe the sides with her hands and have white residue on her fingers. Looked clean. But not really clean. Sigh had to clean it again. That's how I feel right now. I thought I was good but emotional scars are apparent. I hate fear. I don't want to be crippled by it. I don't want to scare somebody off. This man calls when he says he will. Calls unexpectedly and most importantly I don't have to chase him. I am not sure if anyone gets where I'm coming from but I am not sitting at home wondering if he's going to call because he will. That is so refreshing. So then you ask...what is your problem? My problem needs to be addressed so I write it here. My problem which I don't think has come full circle needs to be nipped right away.

I am scared of being abandoned. Scared of being rejected. These things swallow me as I try to move in what appears to be a very serious pursuit. All of this is from the aftermath of my last relationship which was three years ago. I feel like I am a really good woman. I feel like I give my best in everything. But having these thoughts is not giving my best. Having these thoughts hinder progression. I know it is a part of my self development but don't want to ruin things in the process. So this issue is present and it is yet another hurtle for me to get over. Sigh, I thought I had gotten over all my emotional issus. But this issue is present for a reason. And rightfully so at this time. Which means it's go time. It's time to decided whether or not I'm going to continue to see what the end is or am I going to crawl into bed and pull the blankets over my eyes. I am not going to get anxious. Not going to get scared. Not going to freak out. Because this person gets a clean slate. He does not deserve to have to deal with the residue. He didn't create it and it's not his job to clean it up. I look to the hills from which comes my help, my help comes from the lord. So in all my ways I acknowledge Him. Even now, to help me because I know this is apparent and I know that God will get the glory out of this. So I pray, God heal my heart, rid these thoughts and feelings from me. Lord I know you have a plan and this negativity is not in it. Wash me and make me clean, in Jesus name, Amen.


I hope all with a similar situation prays this prayer as well. Even if you feel that you have done something to make you feel unworthy God still loves you. He still has His hand on you. His mercy is everlasting and He will see you through. Till next time stay blessed.

just a quick thought,

I've turned the situation around with my "friend". I found that I was not willing to completely depart from him just yet. But i knew things could not continue on the way they have. The mess turned into a mission. Things between us are pretty solid and I feel good about that. Our friendship is stronger and I feel we can maintain it without lust. I wondered before making my decision if it would work out and it has. It just goes to show that God can turn a bad thing into a good thing. Now my focus is on encouragement, enlightment and being a good friend. My hope is that he will get saved. Stop smoking and live the life God wants for him. He is on the right track. I laid it all out for him and WE decided it was best that we not engage in such behavior anymore. Can someone say redemption?! To be on one accord is so wonderful. I am happy with this. When deciding between wrong and right. Right is better. It is better for the soul. In the meantime I have been examing myself and have had a few revelations. Some I wanted to dismiss but knew it was me. I knew that every single thing described me. I have prayed Lord help me to not be this person. What sucks is I didn't realize that who I was had a title. I thought I was just jacked up but apparently this is something that happens often and the only ONE to wash me clean is the Lord. So if you think you're sqeeky think a again. Everybody has a little bit of dirt. I just thank God for his Mercy and Grace. Put God first as the head of your life!. I have a list of things that are not of righteousness in me. I am going to pray God reveal to me how to challenge these things and the wipe me clean. As he does I am going to check them off. I had been praying for God's Holy Spirit wondering why it hadnt come. Now I know. Can you light a damp match? NOT AT ALL. As I pray these things I challenge everyone to make a list of things in you that you know are not of God and pray that he will take ALL things away that are not like him. Pray with me. Peace.