Why?

I make decisions that I pray are right. My mother who loves to have things her way fails to realize that i can make my own decisions. I am not necessarily mad but i really don!t like it when people feel they can be nasty towards me because i want to keep my own peace. Yet they consider me nasty and selfish. Uuuuugh! I am so upset right now. I consider everybody!s feelings and respect their actions even when I do not agree. In return I get ridiculed for absolutely nothing. I so close to snapping off. Just plain ol ridiculousness. I knew i should of went to bible study tonight. Thang! I could have avoided all this mess/drama. It is what it is. I need to move on. I just need to pray for strength and wisdom. That thump you just heard was not me droppijg the keyboard. It was me dropping to my knees. Goodnight.

Back to basics

When did it become so normal to instantly search the web for 'celebrity' updates? My morning consists of 'puncin the clock' checking Essence.com, msn.com, cnn.com, tmz.com, and occasionally the frisky.com. I have realized that I spend a lot of time looking at the 'famous' people and not spending that time wisely and being productive. Throughout the day I check the sites for updates. Then I become so involved in these other people's issues and lifestyles that I become emotionally unstable. I.E. I become mad they cannot get themselves together and are wasting money and are ridiculously egotistic. So to keep my sanity and to focus on important things in my life, I have decided to fast from anything celebrity oriented. I will not look at magazines, I will not visit any 'celebrity gossip' web sites. I will keep it simple and at the end of this 'fast' for reality, I hope to have restored balance and made progress in my own life. Peace.

Year In Review

So, I have been reviewing the year. Some very awesome things have happened. I have to state the most important is the streghtening relationship I have with God. I am happy to know Him. I am glad to know if I am in a bad mood or if I feel tempted to do something I don't need to, I can call on the name of Jesus. I can rebuke the enemy at every turn. I am not saying that everything is peachy but I will keep my head up. The joy of the Lord is my strength! I have noticed that I have learned to handle things differently. I am being a little more patient now and days. I also know what I do not want in a spouse and definitely what I want and deserve. Previously I was so sure of what I have to offer in a marriage but so unsure of what I needed in return. I had to let go the fear that was in me. The fear that said I have to settle. What has replaced it is the fear of being in an actual relationship. It has been such a long time, I've forgoten what it feels like to kiss someone, hold their hand or just spending time having a meeaningful,loving,conversation. I have come to know myself and try to see myself the way God sees me. Wonderfully and Beautifully made. There have been some relationships have ended and all for the better. I give God the glory for the things he has done and for the things he hasn't done yet. I thank him for his Holy Spirit. Without Him who knows where I would be. I could be in jail, dead, and hard as a rock. I would probably be very spiteful and just plain ol bitter. I can said without a doubt that I was in a very dark place. I feel like my eyes weren't even open. I was just being pushed along the way. The way straight to hell1!!!!! Thank God he did not see fit!!!! I am blessed. As the Holidays roll around and that dreadful anniversary that happens to be one of the biggest days of year approaches ,I will celebrate God. I will not focus on the feeling I get as I prepare myself to spend this time without a significant other but I will focus on the anticpoation and rely on God for the works to be done in my life for the next year. "Faith is the substance of things unseen and the evidence of things hoped for." Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!