Who am I?

The question is very simple and the answer so complex. Sometimes the question is answered with more questions? What do I do? What am I doing? Why am I doing this? How can I change it? Hmmmmm drink for thought. I cannot answer that question clearly. Recently I have heard two sermons on identity crisis. After the first I was reeled back into my God ordained place. I was going strong. Doing everything I was suppose to do. I mean no point in straying because afterwhile it will be found out that I am not who people think I am nor do I fit the prototype of who I was posing as. Immediately, no matter what I do, eventually I would be found as an imposter. I simply do not belong in the world of sin. But the real question is what do you do when you find the place you know you belong but still feel like an outsider? The thought goes beyond a personal issue it is blatant truth. Feeling like an outside as a believer in a believer's world is nothing to take likely. This I have learned. One week,maybe over a week I was on fire. I mean on fire,fire. So much so that when what came next arrived I was so shocked. I mean it's something when you shock yourself. You learn what you are truly capable of. But I will be honest. To live in sin when you know that it is not your cup of tea....period is downright frightening. As I am in the middle of this, like I have no control, I prayed, I cried I prayed again, I shouted just to see if I still had it. And I do so what is this? Two beasts one body? You here it all the time. Saved on Sunday. Sinner Monday-Saturday. I used to hate it when people say that. Not that it was directed at me. But I can fully understand how something as such comes about. But people in that position don't need scolding they need guidance. Help. A way out. I know Jesus is the way. But faith without works is dead. The desire to get out and the desire to stay in are both overpowered by the desire to do both. So ask this question. How in world does someone know they want to do right but can't quite come full circle? Paul said it best when I do right evil is always present. This isn't over. But my lunch break is. I will continue this thought later. Stay blessed.