So the situation looks bleak. And of course the enemy took the opportunity to make me feel worse. I got used. I didn't like it. I am glad that I REALIZED BUT MAN IT WAS UGLY. See I have to train my thoughts. For years I have had the same thinking. For years I worked diligently at trying to figure things out on my own. In that time I have suffered many disappointments. Disappointments lead to "stinkin thinkin". If you tell yourself impossible, can't do it, it will never happen for over 20 years you will surely have an issue with thought of God being in control and taking care of all your needs. So I slid into the realm of never never land. I will never get out of my situation. I will never be able to survive this situation. And then.....it goes deeper and harder....so you will never get delivered from this? Well you might as well admit you'll never finish school, never get married, never have anymore children since you'll never marry, might as well call it quits....you don't trust God. Yeah it goes beyond that. All because I let myself look at the natural. The natural and logical thought is " yeah this is not going to work". At the end of all that I was emotionally exhausted. It was a roller coaster. I had been going on for months with the optimism that God will take care of everything. I thought I trusted Him to the fullest. Then I was delivered blow after blow. I began to let it settle into my spirit. Where was God? Why is he letting this happen. I even became fed up with putting others needs before my own. I developed this new concept of standing up for myself. Yep I had lost it. But you know what it didn't take me going to a Barnes and Noble to pick up the "Secret" to figure out my problem. I knew exactly what it was. I didn't trust God because The Thinker wanted confirmation so that she could feel good about the world around her. The Thinker wanted to know why these things were happening. If she was praying right. Praising right. Listening right. She needed to know now. Deliverance and blessing now. She forgot about the Lord being her Victory, she forgot about everything that she was standing on previously. So she opened her bible.....went to Matthew, the sixth chapter and the 30Th verse and read.........

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

34Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

It blessed my soul. What did I learn? Pick up the key to the kingdom and receive a blessing and deliverance.